Mrs Wharmby is a Chemistry teacher. She has also relieved Mrs Stevenson-Jones by taking one of her Year 11 chemistry classes (as Stevey-J had been singlehandedly teaching chemistry to almost half of this year group). Mrs Wharmby is also 20B's form tutor.
Mrs Wharmby has a very pessimistic view of what students' work ethic and in her words “you are all guilty until proven innocent - if I haven't seen the homework, you haven't done it.” and the classic “you were probably up until 3 each night gaming or watching Netflix instead of doing these chemistry sheets.”
Absolutely loves the word ‘dramatic’, the Masked Singer, and her newly acquired vacuum cleaner. Not such a big fan of acronyms, uber eats, or hoodies.
Likes to complain about how much her classes
“She has that sarcastic Burnley humour.” ~ Stringer
A useful guide to decipher any code for those partaking in Mrs W's chemistry lessons:
Credited with coining the phrase ‘non BRGS PE hoodie’.
Mrs W is no fan of hoodies and will tell you to take it off if it isn't a PE hoodie, despite many students trying to convince her that we are allowed to wear any navy or black hoodies. Unfortunately, she has decided to heed Mr Reeves' most recent words of wisdom to the masses and intends to fight mercilessly for his latest (losing) war on uniform.
“If you fold, you fail.”
“You will learn to love these equations. We all do.”
“We all love chemistry equally… not as much as our students though.”
“This is why you can't wear non BRGS PE hoodies even on non uniform days - anarchy unfolds.”
“So I've heard that Mr Stringer said I ‘like to maintain a steely exterior but am actually soft on the inside.’… I would like to make it clear to you now that I don't want you to feel as if I have any emotional attachment to your class at all."
“I would rather you didn't take your clothes off.”
“Why would I want you sat in my coat?”
“You've got to get the growl or you're not a pirate.”
“You'll have a blast at A-Level chemistry - I've got better jokes.”
“You know when you're playing Super Mario and then Bowser comes and you level up? That's you right now.”
Class: Will you miss us when we leave?
Mrs W: …Well, ‘miss’ is a strong word…
Class: Are you gonna cry?
Mrs W: Why would I cry?
“One time I forgot my husband at the bar and only realised he was missing after like half an hour cause I was like ‘where is my next beverage?’.”
“I love carbs… I love bread it's a problem.”
“Maybe he just felt sorry for me with my Burnley accent and thought ‘yeah she needs this’.”
Student: Miss, do you have a calculator?
Mrs W: Sorry, no - I had one but Mr Heald stole it… Actually, it was his in the first place but I borrowed it and had it for a few months and didn't give it back so it was kind of mine.
“Sometimes I just have to open the window and hiss at them.” (the cats supposedly eating her tulips)
“I love crime.”
“And she killed her husband and I was like ‘oah’.”
“I don't have a sad life! I have a dog… and I… planted some tulips last year, which are just starting to emerge - well, one is. I texted my husband if it's opened yet but he hasn't replied - I'll let you know tomorrow.”
“Choose a playlist and stick with it. You’re not DJs.”
“You need to know that James Chadwick discovered the neutron cause it might end up on some quiz show that you're on one day.”
“Mrs Stevenson-Jones was telling me about how she made all her classes cupcakes and stuff so told her that she was way too nice and I was just giving you guys exam questions and she felt so sorry for you she made you your own brownies.”
“She was way too nice to you - like you're all so needyyyy. After our first few lessons I went to her and was like ‘This is your fault - they’re so needy.' … Actually ya know, I might make out that I despise you but that's not actually true.”
“I went to Sainsbury's and was just gonna buy you guys the cheapest sweets cause like I don't care that much so I bought… get this right, there were some Heroes that were already 50% off - but that's not all - there were 4 packs that had been damaged in transit and were just wrapped in some brown paper so I was like ‘yess get innnn’ and bought you those.”
“Mrs Stevenson-Jones is literally the nicest person on the planet.”
“Like I know that you posted that - I know the time that you posted cause originally I put the wrong ‘there’ and that's then what was put on BRGS Wiki, then it changed when I changed it. So you're very naughty. I ought to look at what lessons you had and grass on ya, cause it was very naughty - but, the vacuum was absolutely fabulous.”
“Uses for natural wood? I dunno, a tree?”
“There's a cheeky little leaf.”
Mrs Wharmby: Maybe… maybe he just likes navy blue…
Student: At the end of the day though Mr Stringer's dripping.
Mrs W: What does ‘dripping’ mean?? Actually I don't want to know, I don't like that… it just sounds weird.
“Ohh I've got a story for ya, you're gonna love this. It's all about a cowboy.”
“Why would you want to spend a long time with anyone other than familial relations?”
“I've got an onslaught of exam questions.”
“You're lucky, there's no more writing to do… Only loads of exam questions - They weren't here at 8 this morning, I skipped breakfast to put them in here for you. I thought ‘what more would my year 11s want to do on their last online lesson apart from some exam questions?'. You're welcome by the way, I know you're too emotional with gratitude to say anything… Well, you don't get GCSEs for free.”
“I should just get a bag of Maltesers and chuck em in the air.”
“I have to see what cheap chocolate I can get ya.”
“You could say that Daniel Craig didn't have a strong enough bond with Beyonce.”
“They don't just all lose electrons willy nilly.”
“Metals lose electrons to make positive ions but like why do they even bother.”
“I think I must have just had a bad experience with those skinny pancakes.”
“I don't like those thin floppy pancakes with lemon and sugar no no no no no.”
"God why can you not just say ‘chilled’ instead of ‘chill’.
“Do you want to do an exam question or go?”
(after everyone has answered ‘go’ in the chat) “Before you answer though exam question means go and go means exam question... (checks chat) What's this? You all want to do an exam question?”
“We’re comparing the life cycle of a plastic bag and a paper bag, I know, I know, you’ll have to contain your excitement.”
(whilst going through exams) “This was disgusting… this was horrendous… this was one was poor…”
“What do you see with your EYEBALLS?”
“I check. Every. Single. Point.”
“It irked me.”
“Oh my god I can't spell ‘slows’.”
“You're not allowed to discuss energy.”
“I know what goat means in your… teenage speak.”
“The new hoover is very good. I look forward to using it again. Although actually, its not as good as I thought cause then I have to clean the house and I can't be bothered.”
“I think you prefer mistakes made in a Burnley accent.”
“Question 1 was disgustingly horrendous.”
“I was really really strangely proud of myself. But yesterday, so on a Wednesday I go into school in the mornin', but come home as soon as I can in the morning as well, but because I was sorting out exams and people had to do catch-ups I was marking that etc etc, I ended up having to stay to sort the papers out and I had two live lessons - I couldn't leave because I had to make sure I was doing them… and then it was lunch, and I had year 10 after lunch. So I thought ‘right, I can do this. I'm gonna quickly go home during lunch.’ So, by the time I'd sorted everything it was 12:43 - that's when I set off… I got home at… 1:07. And I was on Google Meet with Year 10 at 1:10. Can you believe that?? Did I speed? Erm well, I didn't speed… There was a couple of times on the fast roads where I maybe went faster than I would normally. How good is that? I really, really, really… really- I was telling my Year 13 and like tell me how good that is. I weren't speeding! I honestly wasn't speeding! I just like… just went faster than I would normally go.”
“I know you posted that… I know the time that you posted, cause originally I put the wrong ‘there’, and then that's what was put on BRGS Wiki, and it changed when I changed it. So you're very naughty, I ought to look at what lessons you had and grass on ya - very naughty. But… the vacuum was absolutely fabulous. It was good. Same again this weekend.”
“Please be prompt in the morning!”
“I bet you don't even remember being alive in Year 9.”
"You’re meant to be working hard on school work not updating BRGS wiki!! Who do I need to give a penalty point to???
THREE vacuum quotes! C’mon guys - at least put some of my Chemistry quotes on there for revision purposes..."
“Basically, when you get to a certain age, you get really excited about certain things. Such as… getting a new vacuum. Last weekend I got a new vacuum, and honestly, I was so excited. One day you'll understand, and you'll think about me, and you'll think ‘she was onto sommit’. So my husband's really tight and the vacuum that we had - the wire, I had to hold the wire in a certain position - it was so funny. It just stopped working and I was like ‘we’re getting a new vacuum' and he was like ‘I will fix it! We’re not getting a new vacuum.' so we had like a massive dramatic row over this vacuum and he tried to fix it, and he broke it. So I was so…. EXCITED and so HAPPY, and I just thought ‘you deserve that’. And I got… a new vacuum. A new Shark Vacuum. And he was happy about that cause its got red on it for Man United - that's what I told him. Anyway, I used it at the weekend… WELL GOOD. I was so EXCITED to properly use it again. Mmm it's gonna be so much fun."
“You won't get it.” “ITS NOT SAD.” “Honestly, one day you'll understand, one day you will get to point in life where a vacuum is so much fun.”
“The rug in my living room… I can't wait to vacuum that bad boy again. I had a well good time last weekend… so anyway yeah that's my life.”
“Google Meets does the register for me now. It's gotten so snazzy. It tells me what time you've joined and who was here, isn't that well good?”
“Oh. My. Days.”
“We looked at how to make ethanol, but that's most useful for people over the age of 18.”
“When you get to my age - which isn't old - you just love staying in.”
“GOOOOD MORRNINNNGGGG I HAD AN EARLY NIGHT LAST NIGHT AND I AM. FEELING. SPRITELY. THIS MORNINGGGG.”
(To year 11s) “You might not have known that grapes made wine because well, you've only just found out what wine is.”
“It's not like we're just shooting the enzyme.”
“I wish I could choose people who could enter the classroom… I wouldn't let anyone wearing a non-BRGS PE hoodie, and if you all wear random hoodies - even better! I wouldn't need to let any of you in.”
“There is absolutely loads of time to get all this work done.” (repeating this point half way into the lesson so only half the lesson is left to actually do the work)
“I know you won't know what ethanol is, being only 15/16 - but here's how to draw alcohol… new word for ya there.”
“Scar is bad, Simba is good, Mufasa is good - what more is there to read into??”
“Yeah sometimes on the weekend Mrs Stevenson-Jones will go to science seminars and then she'll message me with all these cool facts and I'll just be sat there in my pyjamas eating hash browns going like ‘wow yeah’.”
(Walks into class) “Aw thanks for the Advent thing by the way guys.”
“Who wants to play pin the element on the periodic table?”
(On non uniform day) “I'm seeing a lot of non-BRGS PE hoodies in here…”
“You know me, I'm a stickler for rules.”
“I had a year 7 class the other day who had homework but it was due for second period and this year 7 kid handed it in at 9:55 on Google Classroom, so I gave him a penalty point for going on his phone in another lesson.”
“If you have any complaints write them down and put them in the suggestion box.” gestures towards the bin
“You have to be really quiet in this next bit - so basically just shut up.”
“When I was your age, I'll be honest, I probably wouldn't have done the work, but if you don't do it I'll be emailing your parents.”
“WHAT DON'T WE GET FOR FREE? GCSES!”
“You're 16, you don't know what beer is. Don't tell your parents I taught you that word.”
“Imagine that I'm just attracted to this door…”
“You guys have never seen Hocus Pocus?? It's literally the best Halloween film you all need to go and watch it - it's on Disney+ I think.”
“I am not worried…. (class thinks she is going to say something supportive about GCSEs and covid-19 related issues as it is the first lesson)… about becoming friends with your parents. If you haven't done the work I will be more than happy - and I will - send an email to them.”
“I once got a detention in high school for yawning so loud. I deserved it though cause I totally meant it, it was a dead boring subject.”
“More importantly, this is important.”
“The periodic table is basically a table.”
"Not brackets - parenthesis, that's what we say in Burnley."
"And before you know it you've made water just like that when you didn't mean to."
"Just think of mash. Like the monster mash."
"What happens if you touch the smaller numbers? Does anybody know?" (nobody puts up their hands) "You die."
"I just spent six months watching Disney+."
"Congratulations - you have made it to half term break! I am proud of how you have handled such a challenging half term, whilst maintaining high standards of work. It is important that you take time to relax with your family, ready for what will no doubt be a another hectic half term. As you are in Year 11 (and you don't get GCSEs for free!) have a think about whether you could complete some work over the half term e.g. to catch up or revise a weaker topic. If so, try a scaled down version of your normal timetable (choose your favourite week one or week two) so that you can still have a rest."
"Hello lovely CONSCIENTIOUS people. Should you wish to finish that alkenes worksheet (people at home I forgot to say only the second side!!), then the answers are attached (again, second side).
This is completely optional for anyone who wishes to be conscientious and get a good grade! Email me if you have any questions from today.
Calculators tomorrow for calculation fun!!!"
(The night before the chem mock) “And finally, remember you do not get GCSEs for free so don’t even think about staying up late on your phone/computer/Netflix! Sensible bedtime please!!”