Miss Hartley is a chemistry teacher who likes to tell a lot of atrocious jokes. She is often seen sporting a mustard cardigan and her 'duck leg' tights. Miss Hartley is also obsessed with learning objectives and spends the first half of the lesson making you copy down what you would do in the lesson but then usually run out of time doing because she spent so long making you write down the learning objectives.
“I must write to this company and tell them what a great teaching resource this plastic pink bottle is.”
“I sometimes wonder if I’m related to Hartley’s Jelly. I could be getting millions from a jelly company, you never know!”
“Now try putting your hands together. Which thumb is on top? Now try it with the other thumb on top… Genetics! That is an inherited gene. Go try at home tonight with your siblings! See which thumbs they prefer to put on top. Also, if it’s different, don’t think “Oh no! I’m adopted!”.”
“This is a spider plant, when it breaks away from the parent plant, it makes a new plant, this new plant then takes all the water, nutrients and sunlight from the parent plant, which probably kills it. Actually, that’s a lot like what humans do. They stay in the parent’s house and steal all their belongings until the parent dies… Oh… my bad, this actually isn’t a spider plant.”
"I would hate to be that person to wake up and have to deal with my goat, which has just grown eight legs."
"Let’s hope it goes to the learny place of my brain."
"I know we’re meant to be revising this lesson but I just have to show you this brilliant video I found on Twitter."
“Ok, so which of the blocks isn’t magic- I mean, magnetic? (sadly) None of them are magic.”
(whilst teaching food chains) “But, like in the Lion King, as Mufasa says, the predators become the grass when they die, and then they all sing a song.”
"And of course, you are all familiar with my fantastic art skills, I’ll draw a coil of wire for you. So you draw a circle, and keep adding semi-circles. And, if you add legs and a face, its becomes a caterpillar! Just don’t attach a caterpillar to circuit. That won’t end well."
"Oh and if you see a bird, don’t go and throw your quadrat over it."
"And so yesterday, at about half past 10 in the evening, I had to close my window. That’s because of my neighbours, who decided to light a bonfire, and under some highly flammable conifers too, I'm already questioning their life choices."
"Can someone collect the cones? Or whatever those bits of plastic are called." (they were indeed cones)
"Who likes my new stormtrooper ruler? I stole it from my son’s party bag."
“They're all pale, stale, and male.” (talking about scientists/politicians?)
"You know, I remember how to spell potassium because it has a nice ass. A beautiful donkey."
“What am I doing. WHAT AM I DOING??”
"A neutron walks into a bar and the bartender says 'for you, no charge'. I hope you're all laughing at your screens."
"Why can you never trust an atom? They make up everything. If you need to pause the video to laugh that's fine."
“Some naughty person has been making peg oxide.”
“White powder? Suspicious.”
“I grow weed on my potatoes.”
"Hurrah! Harry Potter and the Recessive Allele!"
"Your title for today is just 'Potato'."
"OOOH I'M GONNA NEED SOME ALOE VERA FOR THAT BURN."
"Measure the height of the muscles... Oh I mean bubbles."
"OoOooOoh there's a spoon in my pencil case!!"
"Go text your mum and ask her about your new washing machine!"
"Boiled sweets are lumps of yummy sugar nuggets."
- (Some kid walks into class early) Errmm Miss, what are you doing?"
Miss Hartley: *quickly puts away phone* Not taking pictures of my teeth that's for sure!
"Hahaha you're selfish and don't like cod?? Don't you mean shellfish??"
"You guys can be my guinea pigs! But don't worry, I'm not going to stick you in a cage or feed you or anything like that."
"My mind must just really like cups."
"I don't ever think 'mmm its quiet in here, let me just light the fire'."
"It appears I've overestimated your ability to pass a gluestick around."
"Hello my name is Miss Hartley and I had porridge for breakfast. What did you have for breakfast?"
(To her new class of year 7s) "Each lesson I want you to write 'I will solemnly swear to listen to Miss Hartley' on you whiteboard and at the end of the lesson rub it out and say 'science managed!"
"So I walked around school and collected lots of different soil."
"Its period 5 on a Friday, and we're all tired and want to go home, but, if you want to do GCSE questions who am I to stop you?"