Miss Foster is one of three geography teachers and often teaches in Room 55. She joined at the start of the 2017/18 school year to replace Mrs Cassidy. At the moment she is the most reliable source of any new information regarding schools, lockdowns and 2021 exams - even more reliable than the government themselves (not that this is hard to beat). Loves melons but fortunately can contain herself for the sake of the rainforest. Has been vegetarian for 40 years.
Miss Foster is apparently also no small Love Island fan and in one lesson where we were talking about geography teachers a certain physics teacher once said "Miss Foster? Ohh you mean that Miss Foster, yeah we talk about Love Island in the staffroom sometimes."
Allegedly, another time in the staffroom Mrs Porteous and Miss Morris decided to switch the telly to Love Island whilst Mr Porteous was asleep then take a photo and sent it to staffroom group chat to try and trick them, leading Miss Foster to believe Alan was fellow Love Island fan. Apparently she tried talking to him about it and he had no idea what she was talking about about. Whether this is simply exaggerated staffroom rumour or true fact we are yet to find out…
In the unlikely circumstance that you have seen Miss Foster's car, the first thing you may immediately notice is that there are a lot of coat hangers in it! In her words, she told us that "I'm a geography teacher! I need to be prepared for any situation." I'm unsure of which geography related situation requires 50 odd coat hangers but I'm sure there's a reason.
As one (unnamed) teacher accurately put it “Miss Foster? Geography Miss Foster? Oh my god I love her. She's so- she just makes my day. She always just comes into the staffroom and says the best things about the impending doom of covid. Like just this morning she came into the staffroom and was like ‘doors open wide, people, or we’re all going to die.'"
“I just want a pink hi vis! Myself, Miss Carney, all part of the Pink Ladies or something…”
Student: Miss, can you spot the Rick Astley in the room?
Miss F: (sighs) I lived through the first Rick Astley era... We didn’t need a second one. (sees the Rick Astley hanging from the ceiling tile beyond the height of easily being placed there) I blame exam stress.
“Do you wish to better your grade?"
“I had a nasty incident with leeches in the rainforest.”
“I always have a dilemma about melons.”
“Polar bears hunt the… what do you call them… (does a swimming movement) - like seals but not… Narwhals! Ah I’ve been watching too much octonauts.”
“I only got a colour television in 2001.”
“The most interesting bit of the first 10 minutes of the Harry and Meghan interview was finding out they had rescued battery hens - after that I fell asleep.”
“I don't think Professor Whitty is too bad looking.”
“If you've ever been to the rainforest… or just seen ‘I’m a Celebrity'.”
“Humus of the soil variety.”
“We will reconvene next lesson and start rainforest soils.”
“Look at that. That is a quality answer.”
“You need to know Rio and Manchester like the back of your hand.”
Foster: (Student), say something useful this lesson by putting your hand up! Don’t just shout out a load of stuff about Fortnite.
Student: Fine. (Raises hand)
Student: Well, if this guy stays at this chicken farm, and gets 100 chickens a day, for let’s say £8.07 in total, and he sells them to KFC who have 16 pieces of chicken in a bucket, and sell it for £9.99, this guy brings in about £168.50 to the British economy alone.
“PETERBOROUGH IS NOT IN THE NORTH, IT'S NOT EVEN IN THE MIDLANDS!”
“The examiners would smell a rat there.”
“Some of you didn’t know Jamaica for toffee.”
“Stick up your little virtual mitts”
“It's just… lockdown has driven me to these things.”
“I think I'm going to get a skinny latte.”
"Frappuccinos – those hugely calorific things from Starbucks."
“I'll just be lurking in the chat…”
“I've still got a few people on my hitlist…”
“Going to the Trafford Centre is like walking through the gates of hell.”
(To people arriving on the Google Meet two minutes late) “Don't start slacking… Nice of you to turn up.”
“My audio is fine. I've got the super duper ultra wifi with backup.”
“How do you all communicate in your online games if you have no mics?” (she's onto us)
“You're interrupting the flow!”
“This is shambolic.”
"Children are so demanding, aren't they?"
“I'm just imagining you like a member of the Famous Five or Secret Seven, just having adventures before the rest of us are even awake!"
”Stop leaning on the wall, posture is important!”
”The Russians aren’t having many babies.”
(types in wrong password to computer) "Oh fiddlesticks!"
Student: Miss, which year were you born?
Miss Foster: Well, you know Nick Clegg? No? Well, look him up. I'm exactly the same as him - same year, same day of birth.
Student: Isn't Nick Clegg that guy who's like the exact same age as you?
Student 2: Isn't Nick Clegg that guy who's like 400 years old?
Miss Foster: He must be very eager to teach his class! Those windows are tiny!
(both teachers proceed to just go and watch Mr Spencer struggle through a window and yell at his class)
"The colours must have gradience."
"It's like a conference around the water fountain here!"